“But
they that wait upon the Lord shall
renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run,
and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31KJV)
My testimony.....
In the spring of 2014, being half way through my program, I
was excited to start to practice and build my skills in my career but before I
can, I have to take a few standardized exams which for me is scary because I
have never really been good with standardized exams but God always shows up for
me (so really I was not too worried). I took my first trial at the
comprehensive exam and so certain that I passed it, when the result came, I was
shocked to see that I failed it and was just a few points away from passing.
Being that I had two more trial, I studied again for the exam and confident
that I will pass it on my second trial. Around this time, I had so much going
on in my life, from friends to family and also my relationship at that time
which was crumbling (a story and testimony for another time). Looking back now
I know I should have taken a leave of absence and cleared my mind, taken
sometime for the race of life but yet, I took my second exam and again I failed
it. I was so destroyed; I remember get in my car and driving for hours crying
my eyes out. I am a very silent person and when I go through stuffs, I try to
keep it to myself and take care of it. So I was use to the “crying inwards and
putting a smile on my face” so no one knows my hurt or pain. I was already
overwhelmed with a whole lot going on in my life at the time and this exam was
to be a consolation for me when and if I passed it but knowing that I have one
more trial to take this exam was what scared me.
So let me explain the concept of this exam to you. My school
requires me to take this exam on 3 trials and to get a certain score in order
for me to get an approval to take my board exam or else I get dismissed from school.
So after my second trial, I decided to take a prep course in Atlanta and at
that time I really had no money because I was not working so I decided to work
for a bit, save up some money and I took a 6-week course in Atlanta, I was so
confident with my scores and prayed for a miracle. I took the exam December 22
and told myself this was my Christmas/ New Year’s gift and testimony and my
storm has finally moved away. Strangely, I got my result back from my school
just in 2 days ( as oppose to the 1 week timeline to get your result back) and
this time around I did worse than the other two trials and in a few days I got
a letter from my school saying I was dismissed. I was broken, destroyed and
felt like I had no one to call, to cry to or to yell at. I felt like the whole
year was my worst. My plan was to be done with my program, my timeline was
disrupter. I went into a depressed mode; I didn’t feel like talking to anyone.
I refused to eat, go out; all I wanted to do was SCREAM and CRY.
But when the New Year came around, still in my depressed
state of mind, I decided to appeal to my school after so much prayers, fasting,
encouragements, doubts, and talks from both family and friends. Well to cut the
long story short, I was granted the appeal but with conditions. I paid another
huge sum of money ( which again is a testimony how I got that money) for
another prep program but this time around in Illinois. It was a 7/8 weeks
course and to be sincere, I really have lost all hopes..... I felt like I have
done all I could do and now just passing by through life. After the course, I
took a few weeks on my own to study... well really took time to pray, cry and
fast to God because I was tired of the shame, the little talks behind my back
and all. I had friends, family and well-wishers praying and fasting for me,
encouraging me daily. I took my exam on the 23 of May and about 5-6 days later,
I got that email. I was so scared to open it. I called my mum and with a very voice
she said "God is in control open the email whenever you are ready". I
kept looking at the email all morning.....and a few minutes after noon I opened
the email and it reads...........
"Dear
Student,
Congratulations
on achieving a passing score on the NBME comp exam! You are now required to
register for the USMLE Step 1 exam........"
You
should have seen me, I was screaming, rolling all over the floor....
I couldn't wait to tell everyone of how God has again showed up
for me the last minute. My God is never late, He is always on time. He wiped my
tears, turned my sorrow to joy and filled my heart with gladness. His
timeline was different from my timeline and I have to remember that always. His
ways is orchestrated to bring me a great future, one that will glorify His name
and draw more to Him.
I was certain that this took the devil by surprise and as if
that was not enough. After completing and passing my comprehensive exam in May,
as required by my School (which for me already took a whole year to pass), I
finally could register to take my first board exam. Usually it takes just a few
days to weeks to get your papers processed but in my case it took months
because the board for some weird reason said they had to verify some
information because for some weird reason my name, SSN and information were not
matching up and I didn't get my approval till late July (which again my God
showed up miraculously and sorted out the confusion).
Conclusion.........
These were all waiting period in my life where I had to
continually put a smile on my face and continue to encourage myself because I
couldn't get that encouragement from anywhere or anyone else. I am not saying
that I didn't have people in my life who prayed for me because I did but
sometime in the mist of the storm you have to stand still and speak over your
situation and encourage yourself.
At times, the ways and journey of life includes the waiting
period where our faith, strength and purpose in life are being tried. But
remember that just like David "And David
was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul
of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters:
but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. 1 Samuel 30:6)"
So what I decided to do while I prepare
for the next phase in my life is to encourage myself. While watching
"being Mary Jane" a TV show, I picked up a behavior which I currently
have implemented in my life. Every day, I find 2-3 quotes or bible scriptures
that encourages me and I write it a sticky note, put it on my computer , on my
mirror in my room, bathroom just everywhere around me to encourage me and to
keep me push through the trials and storms of life. I know it not going to be
easy because really nothing of worth is easy to come by. Choosing to do 2
different Master programs while doing a doctorate degree is not easy but
because God is with me I know that I can do it. I already have one down and two
more to go.
Oh before I forget another thing that I
have incorporated in my life is to encourage others around me. I try to send a
quote/bible verses daily to my colleagues who are also studying for
the same board exams that I am studying for and I know that we are all in
different journeys and walks of life but God who has been
faithful to us will keep us till the very end.
So I leave you with one of the quote for the day:
"Never let people get to you. They can only pull the trigger if you
hand them the gun”. This is another story for another blog... hmmm another
story for another day.
KemiStar MD
