Trust in His timing..... Do not be afraid

My oh my as I sit in the library I can't help but smile and think to myself hmmmmm.......God has a way of talking to His children and catching our attention. Lately I have been so drained from studying and I think it's partly because I felt that I could do this on my own but really I can't and should know better because I have tried it on my own over and over again but I keep coming back to the same point. Past experiences has shown me that I can't do it on my own so I don't know why I still try when I have God right next to me telling me to surrender it all to him.

This past Saturday after taking a practice exam that I did so terrible on, I cried my eyes out because I know my exam is less than a week away and I can't afford to do bad on any practice exam this close to the real deal. After crying my eyes and lungs out, then I typed up an text to my mum telling her I couldn't do it anymore and didn't think I want to continue with this profession anymore because it was taking too long and looks like I was not progressing while everyone around me is...yes I was scared..... Well brethren that is the point where I should have stop and said to the devil..... No no more lies, I serve a very big God, a great God who has promised to give me abundant life and thoughts to prosper me and bring me to an expected end. But I didn't I sent the text and knowing my mum she didn't even bother to reply ( she is probably like hmmmm this daughter of mine.... Let me go pray to my God- which she told me later she actually did after she called my pastor....I love this mother of mine 😘😘😘)

Well in this mist of my crying and contemplating to call it a quit my alarm rang and it's time for prayer call with #proverbs31women.... Talk about coincidence and God's perfect timing. First, I was asked to lead the praise and worship.... Knowing fully well that I was down and really didn't want but I DID ( and it lifted my spirit up just singing to God despite how I was feeling) . Afterwards, the prayear and words of encouragement that morning was geared towards Psalms 139: 16-24. Wow I was so sure God was talking to me when we read that verse..... God was saying" Kemi I formed you  and I have ordained all your days before any one of them came to be, how precious are my thoughts for you!". This blew me away and I have to say Lord I am sorry for doubting you and your thoughts towards me. But this is just to remind me and anyone going through the storms of life that God is by your side . Yes it's not going to be easy and many people will tell you to give up but know who you Serve and Trust Him and the different turns of life all the way.

So today.....It's one day till the big day...... Yep the day that I have been waiting for, the day my family , friends, loved ones have prayed and fasted for me about and really am I ready???? Sincerely I am not ... We'll I don't feel ready cos I don't think I know everything but I am walking in with the one who give the Wisdom, Knowledge and perfect understanding. 

As I opened my bible to read 1 Samuel as suggested by sisTito's blog and this bible verse popped up.

Romans 11:33 God’s riches, wisdom, and knowledge are so deep that it is impossible to explain his decisions or to understand his ways- http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans11:33&version=GW

Yep I call it another reminder from God......... which is so true for me personally. May be my fear and doubt comes from the fact that I still don't understand the length of time that it's taking me to achieve this vision of mine. But thinking about the journey thus far, I can say I have learned more about myself than ever. I have come to realize that I have no one else to turn to regarding any ares of my life except God. Another aspect of this journey apart from trusting God, is to remember to give God the praise through the tough time. This has been so difficult but at a time like this when I can't even concentrate on studying anymore I turn to my Marker the one who formed me and knew that this moment in time will come. I choose to praise Him regardless of what the situation is ..... Good or Bad he remains God.He has not changed and never would change. Whether I make the cut or not.... It doesn't change him or make him less of My God.

So as I round up today, I choose to walk into that room victorious, He won this case for me and indeed I am trilled because I know that I will be part of the multitude who already have testimonies to share. Seriously, this month of May has been filled with testimonies and I will soon count my joy , sing praise to God this month. I am certain and sure of it.

So stay tuned for my journey " Destined by Grace"

Signing out

Keep me in your prayers 

Kemi A

When you feel down......

So if you have been following my story, or if you know me personally you will know that I am a jolly person, bubbly personality and I love to serve God all the way... but that doesn't mean I don’t have my faults in fact I have lots of fault but one thing that I am sure of is that my God never uses by downfalls and weakness to judge me... rather he uses my journey in life to correct me and encourage me so that I may in turn encourage people around me.

Studying for a board exam can be tedious especially when you have spent so many resources, financially, time, energy in preparing for the same exam over and over again. It gets to a point when you really want to give up and I think I got to that point a few days ago...... Hmmm the way the devil likes to work his way into lives of God's children first and foremost is by FEAR. He lurks around us hoping to institute fear in us so that he can divert our joy to other things such as doubt, uncertainty, worrying and so much more. 

Romans 8:26-28 The Message translations says:

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

This is the promise of God for us, as long as we believe that He love and Grace supersedes all that we can ever think of or ask for that we need to be strong in our conviction and faith that we will see us through the stormy weathers.

During this time for me, I have come to realize the important things and people around me. I am surrounded by family, friends and loved ones that keep pushing and pulling me up every time I feel like I cannot do it or maybe I don't deserve the best.

So as I round up, I tell myself I will Make It!!! That’s for sure because I have a testimony and good news to share with the whole world that is well overdue. I can’t wait to tell the world of my great and mighty God!!!

Oh before I go.... you need to be blessed by this song... this has been my anthem for the past weeks.... and I pray that this will be my song and shout of Joy very very soon in less than 6 weeks to be precise.... I will be sing “I don't know how He did it but HE MADE A WAY FOR ME"

https://youtu.be/MDnrYaDPcig

Remain blessed

Kemi A

New Beginnings.....

So I decided to add a new experience and exercise to my journey in life because I realize that one of the gifts that God has blessed me with it encouraging people around me. I know..... I actually had to think about it because at times I find it difficult to encourage myself but in the past few months I have realized that I get strength and fulfill when I encourage others, pray for others or even spend few minutes each day to tell someone I care about that I miss them, love them, proud of them, can't wait to see them or yes this is my favorite quote ..... " the best is yet to come dear".
On Tuesday I attended RCCG church dedication in Indiana and I was blessed by the preaching of Pastor E.A Adeboye. I remember making my request to God that night and  believing that before the end of this year, I will be sharing my awesome Testimony.  When I left church I told myself on my way home that each day for the next 30 days, I want to find at least  one thing daily that reminds me of God faithfulness and goodness.  So here is to the next 30 days.

Day 1 (10/21/15)
So many things to be grateful for

- My medical school finally got approval for title IV loan. I know a lot of people may not understand this but being an IMG student and more precisely an AUA medical student you know what this means and how relieved many of us are knowing that we don't have to pay in school interest or take extra masters programs just to pay for school. Indeed when the bible says "all things work together for good to them that Love Christ Jesus" it's no lie. This approval came through at the appointed time and season.

- My very good friend passed his 1st Board exams. Whoop whoop. It's an awesone feeling know that after a long waiting period you can finally move on. I know I can testify to that. I know that the journey has not being easy but all I can say is God is indeed faithful.

- My friend/ sister had a huge court case settled. This was an amazing highlight of my day. Since I am not permitted to say much about this. All I know for a fact that the one and only God who is the judge and comforter definitely wiped away her tears and I know this is the beginning of greater things to come.

- Lastly safety of my friends and family.  This is a huge one for me. Whenever I talk to my parents, siblings and friends I am always joyous because I know these are my personal fans and they have been there through thick and thin for me and so knowing that they are in great health day in and day out, I give God all glory .

I encourage you all to try this exercise and I can tell you that even as much as life tends to throw at us the different walks and struggle, if we focus on the good, we realize that indeed God is always faithful.  So on that note my luvs I sign out for now.

KemStarMD

The storm, the waiting period, my testimony ....all the bumps and stumps of life teaches me to encourage myself in the Lord ALWAYS.

 “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31KJV)

My testimony.....

In the spring of 2014, being half way through my program, I was excited to start to practice and build my skills in my career but before I can, I have to take a few standardized exams which for me is scary because I have never really been good with standardized exams but God always shows up for me (so really I was not too worried). I took my first trial at the comprehensive exam and so certain that I passed it, when the result came, I was shocked to see that I failed it and was just a few points away from passing. Being that I had two more trial, I studied again for the exam and confident that I will pass it on my second trial. Around this time, I had so much going on in my life, from friends to family and also my relationship at that time which was crumbling (a story and testimony for another time). Looking back now I know I should have taken a leave of absence and cleared my mind, taken sometime for the race of life but yet, I took my second exam and again I failed it. I was so destroyed; I remember get in my car and driving for hours crying my eyes out. I am a very silent person and when I go through stuffs, I try to keep it to myself and take care of it. So I was use to the “crying inwards and putting a smile on my face” so no one knows my hurt or pain. I was already overwhelmed with a whole lot going on in my life at the time and this exam was to be a consolation for me when and if I passed it but knowing that I have one more trial to take this exam was what scared me.

So let me explain the concept of this exam to you. My school requires me to take this exam on 3 trials and to get a certain score in order for me to get an approval to take my board exam or else I get dismissed from school. So after my second trial, I decided to take a prep course in Atlanta and at that time I really had no money because I was not working so I decided to work for a bit, save up some money and I took a 6-week course in Atlanta, I was so confident with my scores and prayed for a miracle. I took the exam December 22 and told myself this was my Christmas/ New Year’s gift and testimony and my storm has finally moved away. Strangely, I got my result back from my school just in 2 days ( as oppose to the 1 week timeline to get your result back) and this time around I did worse than the other two trials and in a few days I got a letter from my school saying I was dismissed. I was broken, destroyed and felt like I had no one to call, to cry to or to yell at. I felt like the whole year was my worst. My plan was to be done with my program, my timeline was disrupter. I went into a depressed mode; I didn’t feel like talking to anyone. I refused to eat, go out; all I wanted to do was SCREAM and CRY. 

But when the New Year came around, still in my depressed state of mind, I decided to appeal to my school after so much prayers, fasting, encouragements, doubts, and talks from both family and friends. Well to cut the long story short, I was granted the appeal but with conditions. I paid another huge sum of money ( which again is a testimony how I got that money) for another prep program but this time around in Illinois. It was a 7/8 weeks course and to be sincere, I really have lost all hopes..... I felt like I have done all I could do and now just passing by through life. After the course, I took a few weeks on my own to study... well really took time to pray, cry and fast to God because I was tired of the shame, the little talks behind my back and all. I had friends, family and well-wishers praying and fasting for me, encouraging me daily. I took my exam on the 23 of May and about 5-6 days later, I got that email. I was so scared to open it. I called my mum and with a very voice she said "God is in control open the email whenever you are ready". I kept looking at the email all morning.....and a few minutes after noon I opened the email and it reads...........

"Dear Student, 

Congratulations on achieving a passing score on the NBME comp exam! You are now required to register for the USMLE Step 1 exam........" 

You should have seen me, I was screaming, rolling all over the floor.... I couldn't wait to tell everyone of how God has again showed up for me the last minute. My God is never late, He is always on time. He wiped my tears, turned my sorrow to joy and filled my heart with gladness. His timeline was different from my timeline and I have to remember that always. His ways is orchestrated to bring me a great future, one that will glorify His name and draw more to Him.

I was certain that this took the devil by surprise and as if that was not enough. After completing and passing my comprehensive exam in May, as required by my School (which for me already took a whole year to pass), I finally could register to take my first board exam. Usually it takes just a few days to weeks to get your papers processed but in my case it took months because the board for some weird reason said they had to verify some information because for some weird reason my name, SSN and information were not matching up and I didn't get my approval till late July (which again my God showed up miraculously and sorted out the confusion). 

Conclusion.........

These were all waiting period in my life where I had to continually put a smile on my face and continue to encourage myself because I couldn't get that encouragement from anywhere or anyone else. I am not saying that I didn't have people in my life who prayed for me because I did but sometime in the mist of the storm you have to stand still and speak over your situation and encourage yourself.

At times, the ways and journey of life includes the waiting period where our faith, strength and purpose in life are being tried. But remember that just like David "And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. 1 Samuel 30:6)"

So what I decided to do while I prepare for the next phase in my life is to encourage myself. While watching "being Mary Jane" a TV show, I picked up a behavior which I currently have implemented in my life. Every day, I find 2-3 quotes or bible scriptures that encourages me and I write it a sticky note, put it on my computer , on my mirror in my room, bathroom just everywhere around me to encourage me and to keep me push through the trials and storms of life. I know it not going to be easy because really nothing of worth is easy to come by. Choosing to do 2 different Master programs while doing a doctorate degree is not easy but because God is with me I know that I can do it. I already have one down and two more to go. 

Oh before I forget another thing that I have incorporated in my life is to encourage others around me. I try to send a quote/bible verses daily to my colleagues who are also studying for the same board exams that I am studying for and I know that we are all in different journeys and walks of life but God who has been faithful to us will keep us till the very end.

So I leave you with one of the quote for the day:  "Never let people get to you. They can only pull the trigger if you hand them the gun”. This is another story for another blog... hmmm another story for another day.

KemiStar MD

When you feel all hope is lost ... Don't give up

Woke up this morning to a very quiet house (siblings all back to sch), about to start my day and then my phone rings. A conversation with my dearest sister makes me realize how God uses the very little things to remind us that He is still in the process of turning things around and showing up when we least expect it. The following thought stood out..... HE BROUGHT ME UP ALSO OUT OF AN HORRIBLE PIT,OUT OF THE MIRY CLAY,AND SET MY FEET UPON A ROCK,AND ESTABLISHED MY GOING....PSALM 40:2................
God is still 100% in act of lifting people,not minding where you are hidding,He can locate you, just as God located David in his low estate,and brought him to sit on the throne. Many at times we feel like we have been  forgotten (hmmm I feel like that... actually felt like that this morning) , or we feel like life isn't going the way u wanted it to go, have u been disapointed by loved ones, family, friends, we have lost a loved one and wondered why, what about efforts on that project that has proven abortive, indeed when all doors seems closed that is when we need to turn to God, who is able. He is the only one who can makn people that are mocking you to celebrate you. So in the main time praise and dance your way through " now matter how dark the storm is ... it can only pass through and can't stay forever". #myGodhasthingsincontrol #dontgiveup